We had a staff retreat this week and were sent away alone to think through how the way we do ministry effects how we connect with God.
Two words came to my mind:
creatively and
frantically.
Psalm 63: 1-8 has been on my mind for the past couple of months and it popped into my head again, so I read it, totally worshipping through and agreeing with every part, as usual.
This is Psalm 63: 1-8:
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
When I was done reading, I sensed God saying, "But that isn't how YOU would write it." So...I put it into 100% honest words that were my own and then felt God prompting me to share it because it wasn't only for me. I chickened out...actually, I disobeyed God. I've repented, and now here it is.
Maybe it's for you, too:
O God you are my God; frantically I look around for you;
my soul would probably want you;
my flesh is too busy to care,
as in an overcrowded city where there is too much noise.
So I have tried to connect with you at church,
with my limited knowledge of your power and glory.
Because you generally take care of me, I will do good things in your name.
So I will make you look good - until I get bored;
in your name I will be too busy to care.
My soul will starve to death and my mouth will talk a big game
when I realize how far I got on my own and that I don't know you at all;
but you must have helped.
And in the blazing heat of this desert, I will yell about being lonely.
My soul clings to you, but I pull it away;
I am too busy to learn how to trust your hand to hold me.