Cancer is the Worst Word.

Becky (my mentor, older sister, second mother person) and I always say that the word "cancer" is pretty much the worst word in the English language. It's not a word you want to hear, especially in reference to someone you love. We've both heard the word and experienced it first hand several times. That does not make it easier. In fact, I think it makes it worse.

My Aunt has had breast cancer for some time now, and we just got word that it has spread to her liver. This is pretty much it. I guess that's the last place it goes before you die. The doctors are talking in terms of days now, not months or years anymore. Usually, doctors are accused of being too soft and telling you things to comfort you. Once they say the word "days" in a sentence about how long someone will live, I think the comforting process is over.

She came to visit and wasn't allowed to get on a plane to go back to California without having some tests done. She lives there with my with my cousin, Colleen, and her family. Aunt Carol was visiting us and her son near Cleveland. Colleen has been taking care of her and she's pregnant right now, so I'm not sure what's going to happen. It's one of those helpless times.

I definitely want to go see her. I have to. She's still so close to Erie. I feel the heavy weight of having some important conversations with her along with feeling like I haven't been a good enough niece and god-daughter. I hate this.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." - Revelation 21: 1-5 (ESV)

That cannot come too soon.

:::edit::: Leaving this morning to go see her with my parents.