Saw My Aunt

To be completely honest, it was awful. I don't really know how to explain it. She was way worse than we thought and pretty much out of it. My cousin is praying that she will still be alive for the birth of her next child (in 2-3 months), but I just don't see than happening. Isn't it funny how we can make plans for this or that, but when someone who is supposed to die has plans, it seems sad and even silly? None of us are promised tomorrow, but we sure do act like we are.

Even though it was sad, I still felt very blessed to be there. It was good to talk, even though it was just for little moments, and help her as much as I could. She knew and understood I was there, and I'm pretty sure she comprehended what I was saying, which was good.

The thing I didn't expect was how much she looked exactly like my grandmother right before she died. I just saw Aunt Carol two weeks ago, and didn't think that at all. I guess a lot can change in two weeks. I must have had a mental picture of my grandmother hidden in my brain of the last time I saw her. When I looked at my Aunt, it flashed in my mind. It was a very haunting and sad moment. I could hardly breathe. That's the thing with Cancer (for me), I can't detach one experience from another. I can't look at my Aunt and only think of her. I think of my two grandmothers, grandfather, becky's sister, Dave's mom, and on and on. It's arresting in that way.