30til30: Day 12

I have 30 days until I turn 30, so I thought I'd try to choose 30 moments that have helped shape who I am and want to be. Coming up with the list has been challenging...and enlightening. These are in no particular order.

12: When my Grandma Crawford Died.

I was in middle school when my Grandma Crawford (my Mom's Mom) died of colon cancer. To say it was rough is definitely an understatement. It was really hard on me because we spent some of almost every day with her since I was born. My mom was so faithful in caring for her, though: she really was amazing. Memories from when she died:

• My mom lived at my Grandma's house during the final month or two. She was the only care giver in addition to hospice nurses.
• I remember sitting on my Grandma's bed for the last time and being so scared that I was shaking.
• I saw some sores on her body and over heard something about the cancer eating through her.
• You might think this is a joke, but it isn't. The last thing she said to me was, "will you please put lotion on your elbows for me?"
• On the day of her funeral, I got up in the morning, got ready and tried to go to school. I walked to the bus stop and my Dad pulled up alongside me. He was really mad at me. I didn't understand then, because all I wanted to do was escape.
• My mom's cousin, Jackie, wouldn't leave me alone. I was under the distinct impression that she had made it her personal goal to make me cry. I remember at one point, I was so frustrated that I told her to leave me alone.
• I ate some sort of black cherry jello dessert at the open house afterward and puked it up all night.

How it shaped me:

• I donated to Hospice through the United Way when I worked at Wegmans and the Cleft Palate Clinic. I would love to donate large sums to them some day. It's an incredible organization.
• I saw my Mom differently after her Mom died. I think it was because of my age, too. She is so strong and incredible. I don't know how she made it through.
• I know what I want to do if my mom is ever sick. I hate thinking about it, but I know I'll take care of her however she needs me to.
• People make fun of how dry my elbows are, but it always makes me feel bad.